We’d been sitting there and I had wanted her to think I was normal. I’d wanted her to think I’d had a normal childhood and a normal love life. I didn’t want her to know that she was my first girlfriend since high school. I didn’t want her to know that my best friend and I had slept our way through college and the subsequent years.
I was ashamed that I’d slept with so many women that I didn’t even know the number. Not when I’d known she was so innocent and pure. I didn’t tell her because I’d known I wasn’t good enough for her. So I’d lied. And it had killed me to have used Maria in that way. It was an unforgivable lie. More unforgivable than Katie lying about her age. There were so many regrets I had about Maria. Greyson and I had lied for so long about her, even creating a new age for her, so that when we talked about her, if we had to talk about her, nothing would ever come out.
I lay there pretending to sleep and all I could think about was Katie’s face when I’d told her I’d been engaged in college. The jealousy in her eyes had made me feel alive. I was ashamed as I thought about the pleasure that had given me. It had been so different to meet a girl like her. Someone who loved easily and wasn’t ashamed to show it. Katie had made me remember the boy I had been in high school. The boy who believed in the sanctity of marriage, in the beauty of love. The boy who had been crushed when he realized that women couldn’t be trusted. It hadn’t helped that Greyson was my best friend. If there were ever someone who was fucked up when it came to love, it would be Greyson. I thought about my ex-best friend and felt sad. We’d said we were going to be brothers for life, but somehow everything had fallen apart. We’d told so many lies, hidden so many secrets from others and each other, that it had been inevitable. Still, I regretted that he was no longer in my life.
***
“I’m sleeping, Brandon,” Katie mumbled as my fingers played with her breasts.
“That’s okay,” I whispered into her ear and pulled her back towards me so that I was spooning her.
“You’re so bad.” I felt her push her ass back into me and I smiled.
“That’s why you love me, right?” I bit down on her earlobe and continued squeezing her breasts through her thin cami top.
“I love you because even though you are a sex-craved maniac you are still the sweetest man I know.” She yawned and grabbed my hands. “But right now, I want to sleep.”
“You don’t want to sleep.” I kissed her neck and ran my fingers down her stomach to her panties. “You want to scream and cry out.”
“Are you planning on playing a horror movie?”
“Funny.” I slipped my fingers into her panties. “Very funny.”
“Oh, Brandon.” She groaned and squirmed against me. “I’m sleeping.”
“I don’t mind.” I laughed and buried my face into her hair so that I could breathe in her smell and essence.
“You’re a bad boy.” Her fingers grabbed my hand. “Such a bad boy.” She pushed my fingers against her clit and moved them back and forth gently. She opened her legs slightly and I grinned.
“That’s why you love me.” I sank my teeth into her neck while my fingers played in her wetness.
“You’re going to wear me out.”
“I didn’t think that was possible.”
“Everything is possible.”
“That’s true.” I closed my eyes and continued to kiss down her shoulder. She was correct of course. Everything was possible. The thought saddened me. In this moment, I felt like nothing could ever break us or come between our love again. I felt like we were made for each other, and this moment was just one of many that cemented us to each other. Unfortunately, that thought didn’t take into account the fact that there were still many things that Katie didn’t know about me. Things I was deeply ashamed of. I’d hurt people I could never expect forgiveness from. Once all of that came to light, this moment would be but a distant memory.
“Are you going to make love to me or not, Brandon?” Katie turned around and smiled at me. “Or did you fall asleep?”
“I was just thinking.” I stared into her eyes, not quite believing that this beautiful woman was here with me. My breath caught in my throat as I stared at her. I loved her so much that I felt like my heart was going to break just from being so full.
“I’ll be on top then.” She grinned and sat up.
“What?” I frowned, not sure what she was talking about.
“Weren’t you thinking about what position to make love to me?”